A few weeks ago, I presented a lineup of Tom Swifties, in which the adverb at the end of the sentence takes off punningly from the quotation, as in “I dropped my toothpaste,” said Tom crestfallen. I invited you to join in the fun.
“Hot dog!” said Richard Lederer frankly and with relish. “You, my verbivorous readers, sent me more than 456 tailored Swifties!” said Rich submissively. “They were surpassingly good,” said Rich incontestably. “It’s a shame that I can award only four prizes,” said Rich winsomely.
Here are the award-winning Tom Swifties. Each author will receive a signed copy of my “Monsters Unchained!” What distinguishes these many-faceted gems is the multiple puns embedded in their adverbs. Be sure to give each one a second look to spot their spot-on complexity.
• “We’re mounting this lion’s nether region on our den wall,” Tom said catastrophically. — Jean Graham, San Diego
• “I cleared out the clogged drain in the kitchen with a vacuum pump,” said Tom succinctly. — Millie Bobleter, Oceanside
• “In a pinch, I can use my hatchet as a toothpick,” said Tom accidentally. — Michael Clark, Escondido
• “Tickets to the musical drama were restricted,” said Tom operationally. — Dot Koerner, Ramona
I confer extremely honorable mention upon the following, in alphabetical order of each pun-up girl and pun gent:
• “No, Auntie Em, that new apron doesn’t make you look overweight,” said Tom emphatically. — Deborah Attwood, Kensington
• “That filly must have cost you a pretty penny,” said Tom numerically. — Pamela Candelore, Rancho Bernardo
• “I removed the pig’s vocal cords,” said Tom disgruntled. — Jerry Cezak, La Jolla
• “I think Mr. Romney wants to come inside our house,” said Tom intermittently. — Dave Corn, Poway
• “I will take that sick, bald bird home.” said Tom illegally. — Howard Crabtree, Coronado
• “I lost all my furniture,” said Tom notably. — Sophie Danly, La Jolla High School
• “Baseball has never been the same since the Babe retired,” said Tom ruthlessly. — Elaine Dye, San Diego
• “Pssst, pssst, pass me the Aunt Jemima under the table,” said Tom surreptitiously. — Milton Foster, Green Valley, Ariz.
• “I’d rather not feed the alligators anymore,” said Tom offhandedly. — Mark Hedderson, La Mesa
• “There’s a sea eagle sitting on its eggs!” said Tom earnestly. — Linda Hughes, Lakeside
• “I found a second doctor who finally diagnosed my problem,” said Tom paradoxically. — Luisa Larson
• “Hold the corned beef,” said Tom ribaldly. — Sue Linder, San Diego
• “I asked my iphone for directions,” said Tom seriously. — Sue Meyer, Point Loma
• “I had my entire pelvis surgically removed,” said Tom hypnotically. — Bill Owens, San Carlos
• “I’m sad that the creators of Spiderman, Hulk and Captain America won’t be at our Comic-Con this year,” said Tom marvelously. — Terry Miller, Escondido
• “I looked foolish when I went jogging,” said Tom randomly. — Patrick Rezzo, University City
• “I’ve completely forgotten what I came to the grocery store for,” said Tom listlessly. — Gail Rosemeyer, Carlsbad
• “You are just too loud,” said Tom unequivocally. — Kiran Thonse Sanjeeva, Poway
• “School kids these days aren’t learning cursive handwriting,” said Tom descriptively. — Rickie Sevadjian, Point Loma
• “Someone put glue in my holster!” said Tom, sticking to his guns. –Victoria Sheridan, Coronado
• “You call that puny thing a stinger?” said Tom belittlingly. — Russ Sprague, San Diego
• “I really need to lose this roll of fat around my middle,” said Tom despairingly. — Dave Van Cleve, Ramona
• “I was so sure that I would make the A team,” said Tom beleaguredly — Forrest A. Wolfe, San Diego
• “I’m afraid that bird will never fly again,” said Tom knowingly. — Erin Zamora, Rancho Penasquitos