Read “Lederer on Language” every Saturday in the San Diego Union Tribune and on this site.
Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.

Responding to the challenge of my recent limericks contest, you, my verbivorous readers, winged me 193 sprightly examples of that light verse form. In gratitude, I go out on a limerick and share some spooky limericks that I’ve conjured up for this Halloween.

Each creature steps forth
To perform energetically
Its Halloween act
And does so alphabetically:

On a blind date, two Cyclops said, “Hi!”
“You’re the ONE EYE adore,” they did sigh.
Now they’re married for years,
And the secret appears
To be that they see eye to eye!

You’re a woman from East Transylvania
Dating Dracula, with his weird mania.
He asks you each night
To go out for a bite —
An experience certain to drain ya.

A dragon with fiery plume
Crashed a wedding and smashed up the room.
Ate every hors d’oeuvre.
Crushed the cake. What a nerve!
Then toasted the bride and the groom!

Frankenstein wasn’t very compliant.
He was mad and annoyed and defiant.
But he happened to pass
Anger management class —
And turned into The Jolly Green Giant!

A ghost and a witch with a broom
And a ghoul and a bat in a room
Stayed up very late
So that they could debate
About who should be frightened of whom!

On a bright, crystal clear starry night,
When the full moon was just at its height,
Romeo met
His grotesque Ghouliet.
That’s what we call love at first fright!

Titanic, gigantic Godzilla
Stomped on Tokyo, then on Manila.
Then sank a flotilla,
Then fought a gorilla,
And gulped down a vat of vanilla!

The Invisible Man came to dine.
He sat right to my left, which was fine.
But his rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal —
And everyone thought they were mine!

We go ape over King Kong. He’s grand!
Biggest monarch in all of the land!
You might think he’s scary,
But he’s tall, dark, and hairy,
And has girls in the palm of his hand!

A monster that took many dips
In Loch Ness grew so wide in the hips.
It was her sea food diet:
She would see food, then try it.
She especially liked fish and ships!

A talented mummy from Ammon
Said, “I make my dad proud and my mom, and
Though a young whippersnapper,
I’m the world’s greatest wrapper.
I play trumpet, and I Toot Uncommon!”

This limerick isn’t a stretch.
It’s about an unfortunate wretch.
A werewolf pursued him.
How did he elude him?
He threw it a stick and yelled, “Fetch!”

A witch burnt her butt on a candle.
She was angry. It was such a scandal.
She jumped on her broom
And zoomed to her doom.
Went too fast, so she flew off the handle!

An innocent fellow named Tim
Met a zombie quite horrid and grim.
Tim patted its head
Before it had fed.
I wonder what happened to him!

Please send your questions and comments about language to richard.lederer@utsandiego.com