Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.


John Dennis, an early 18th century playwright and critic, once sneered, “A pun is the lowest form of wit.” Three centuries later, Henry Erskine riposted, “If a pun is the lowest form of wit, it is, therefore, the foundation of all wit!” Oscar Levant added the tagline “A pun is the lowest form of wit — when you don’t think of it first.” Bob Davies capped the debate with “If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of wit, you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

A few weeks ago, I asked readers to wing me their favorite puns. Here are some of the preys on words I received from you witty pun-gents out there:


From Mel Bittner, of Escondido, here’s a classic verse about how puns work:

A pun’s the lowest form of wit.
It does not tax the brain a bit.
One simply takes a word that’s plain
And picks one out that sounds the same.
This to the meaning gives a twist
Which much delights the humorist.


Phil Pryde, San Carlos, who is an inveterate (not invertebrate) punster, reports:

As a birder, I consider the following the best of all bird puns. This is mainly because I take pryde in its authorship, and such pryde surely deserves a fillip.

In the Amazon jungle there lived a strange-looking bird called a hoatzin (pronounced “what-sin”). One day a hoatzin was gazing down from a tree at a crocodile that was devouring a large rat, head, tail, fur, bones, claws and all. Intrigued by this, he called down to the crocodile, “It’s amazing how you can digest every single weird piece of that rat. How is your stomach able to do that?” The croc, whose name was Sherlock, gave him a bored look and replied, “It’s alimentary, my dear hoatzin.”

Apparently, Mr. Pryde is both a bird watcher and a word botcher. That’s an example of a spoonerism. Phil signs off: “And now, being clearly unfit for decent human society, I shall hie me to a punnery.”


Terry Miller, Escondido, shares his on-the-spot pun:

I took an advertising class in college. The instructor was making the point that just because a commercial or ad is clever or entertaining, it isn’t a good one if it doesn’t sell the product. As an example, he held up a magazine ad for a jeweler that showed a large diamond ring and a happy woman riding a horse in the background. The instructor said, “Now tell me what a diamond ring has to do with a horse?” I blurted out, “All horses like carats.”


  Stan Hayes, El Cajon, likes this classic:

A lifeguard saw two little boys throwing rocks at every sea eagle they saw. He told them to stop and asked why they were doing that. They said their mom and dad had sent them off to look for seashells and they thought they had told them to leave no tern unstoned.

I, your user-friendly verbivore, would add that a competent masseur is one who leaves no stern untoned.


Alan Hoenig, Carlsbad, writes:

Reading about puns reminded me of my mother’s cleaning lady. She was obsessed with polishing our wooden floors, at the expense of her health. No matter how careful she was, while she was waxing, she was waning.


Recently, we citizens of America’s Finest City were saddened by the sudden passing, at 82, of Dick Enberg, America’s finest sportscaster. This past Saturday at Petco Park, I had the honor of being one of the speakers who paid tribute to Dick at a celebration of his life. What an outpouring of love was there for this accomplished and loving man.

After Dick retired, he started podcasting and e-mailed me asking if I could share some of my best chicken puns for him to use in his upcoming interview with the San Diego Chicken. How could I refuse? Here are a few of the fowl examples of the poultry in motion I inflicted on Dick:

  • What do you say to the San Diego Chicken before each performance? “Break an egg!”
  • Why is Superman always able to catch the San Diego Chicken? Because Superman is faster than a speeding pullet.
  • What is the San Diego Chicken’s favorite magazine? Peep-le.

Verbivorous Dick Enberg responded, “Thanks, Rich. Your chicken two-liners deserve a Pullet Surprise!”

So does Dick Enberg.