Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.

The San Diego Festival of Science & Engineering will blast off with Expo Day at Petco Park today, 10 am to 5 pm. Expo Day is the Festival’s signature event, where more than 130 local organizations provide interactive exhibits and activities to budding scientists

The learning dressed up to have fun continues with Festival Week (March 2-10) — eight days of learning, interaction and behind-the-scenes opportunities for science lovers of all ages. Attendees are stimulated to follow their passion for STEM — Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics education.

This is a good time, then, to share some intelligent STEM humor.

  • Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything!
  • A proton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Coca-Cola. “Are you sure you want a Coke and not a beer?” asks the bartender. The proton replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
  • A neutron walks into the same bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
  • What is the first thing you need to split an atom? A fission license.
  • Have you heard about the nuclear scientist who swallowed some uranium? She got atomic ache.
  • Have you heard about the nuclear scientist who had too many ions in the fire?
  • What sound does a subatomic duck make? “Quark!”
  • The Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church. The priest asks, “What are you doing here?” Higgs Boson replies, “You can’t have mass without me.”
  • I recently read a book about anti-gravity and helium. I couldn’t put it down.
  • Nature abhors a vacuum. So does my dog.
  • What is HIJKLMNO? Water (h to o).
  •  Have you heard about the sick chemists? If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.
  • When Oxygen and Magnesium started dating, I was like O MG!
  • What do physicists enjoy doing at sporting events? The wave.
  • What did the physicist say to the highway patrolman when he stopped her for speeding? “Actually, officer, if you factor in the earth’s rotation, we are all speeding.”
  • What’s the difference between an introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer? When the introverted engineer speaks to you, he looks down at his shoes. When the extroverted engineer speaks to you, he looks down at your shoes.
  • The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as large as it needs to be.
  •  What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
  • Have you heard about the math teacher who went on a diet? First, she gave up pi. When that didn’t work, she decided to try no meals.
  • I’d tell you a joke about infinity, but it doesn’t have an ending.
  • Black holes suck.
  • NASA has built a new restaurant on the moon. The food is great, but the place doesn’t have any atmosphere.
  • Two antennas got married. The wedding was just so-so, but the reception was excellent.
  • An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender explains, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The disease responds, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
  •  Where does bad light end up? In prism.