Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.

Teachers change lives one lesson at a time and one child at a time. What a teacher writes on the blackboard of life can never be erased. With San Diego’s students back in school, I offer a gallery of life-changing teachers who exhibit a lot of class.

Have you heard about the music teacher? He joyfully makes his students face the music. He’s fit as a fiddle and plays second fiddle to no one. He never blows his own horn and trumpets his achievements. He stays composed, never throws a tempo tantrum, is always upbeat and knows how to conduct himself. He sets the right tone in the classroom and strikes a responsive chord in each and every one of his students. He pulls out all the stops and never soft-pedals any of the high notes of music. He knows his brass from his oboe. This noteworthy teacher  really can’t be beat.

Have you heard about the math teacher? She went on a diet and gave up pi. When that didn’t work, she decided to trinomials. Now she cuts a fine figure in her prime.

She’s a great addition to her students’ lives. She’s a benevolent ruler of her classroom. She’s unfailingly rational, radical, acute, integral and integrated — never average, derivative, indiscriminate, obtuse or mean. She loves to go off on tangents but always comes up with the right angle and treats her students fair and square. You can totally count on her.

She is an agent of math instruction. She tells her students to multiply and be fruitful. She teaches them to divide and conquer. Her lessons on decimals are always to the point. Addition is sum fun,” declares the math teacher sum merrily. She knows that five out of four students have difficulty with fractions, so she shows them that fractions speak louder than words..

The math teacher is as good as eye glasses because she improves division. She encourages her students to revel in “Times Square.” She helps them to come up with the right solutions to their problems. She shows her students that there’s safety in numbers. She teaches them to make straight A’s — with a ruler — and she might even cosine a loan. She was almost involved in an automobile accident because she was grading tests on a curve.

Have you heard about the nostalgic grammar teacher? He finds the past perfect and the present tense. He helps his students avoid Post Grammatic Stress Syndrome. He undangles their participles, unsplits their infinitives and shows them how to write right.

The grammar teacher possesses re-noun verb-al skills and comma sense. Like a judge, he hands out long sentences, but he still make grammar appositive subject. He make sure to pronouns in an active voice the objects of his propositions.

And have you heard about . . .

  • the kindergarten teacher? She loves the little things in life and teaches them their ABCs in LMNtary school as building blocks for their future.
  • the teacher who wore sunglasses in the classroom? She had such bright students.
  • the cross-eyed teacher? He couldn’t control his pupils. (But he could control his students because they never knew when he was keeping an eye on them.)
  • the teacher who tied all his students’ shoelaces together? They went on a class trip.
  • the teacher who came to class wearing a tuxedo? He wanted to offer his students a formal education.
  • the teacher who had a crush on the head of the school? She took out a loan with the bank, because she had interest in the principal.
  • the teacher who became a hero? He stopped a kid napping.
  • the polite teacher? She passed the nuts.
  • the science professor who taught astrophysics? He pointed his students to pi in the sky.
  • the history teacher who became a contestant on a popular TV show? It’s called

“The Dating Game.”

  • the professor who revised her syllabus to reveal the crucial role that women play in shaping world events? She changed the course of history..