Friday, June 21, is World Giraffe Day, which celebrates the towering wonders that share our planet. Giraffe Day is an initiative of the Giraffe Conservation Foundation, and zoos, schools, governments, institutions and conservation organizations around the world join in by hosting events to raise awareness and support for giraffes in the wild.
Giraffes are the highest form of life. They have a high level of intelligence. They’re head and shoulders above the general herd, and everybody looks up to them. And they’re courageously always willing to stick their necks out.
I’m pleased to present a veritable giraffic jam of my favorite Giraffic Park puns and quips:
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their head is so far away from their body.
Did you hear about the giraffe race?
It was neck-and-neck all the way and ended in a neck tie.
What do you call a quintet of giraffes?
A high five.
Did you hear about the student who decided to write an essay on a giraffe?
First she got a really big ladder.
Does a giraffe develop a head cold after it gets its feet wet?
Yes, but not until a week later.
What do you call a giraffe family reunion?
Necks of kin.
What do you get when you cross a Great Dane with a giraffe?
A dog that barks at airplanes.
What’s worse than an elephant with a cold?
A giraffe with a stiff neck and a sore throat.
A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve High Neck in here.”
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This year marks the 50th anniversary of the World Series of Poker, a succession of high-stakes poker tournaments played in Lost Wages, Nevada. I played on my college chess team, I’ve written a book about the game of bridge. I used to be a Scrabble champion, but I became inconsonant and I can’t move my vowels anymore. Nowadays, I’ve given up all these tests of skill in order to play the great American game of Texas Hold’em.
The excitement of poker has generated a full deck of clever quips. Here are my top 10 one- and two-liners:
- Poker is a tough way to make an easy living.
- It’s better to have played poker and lost than never to have played at all.
- It’s easy to leave Las Vegas as a millionaire every time. Just go there as a billionaire.
- I recently drove to Las Vegas in a $20,000 car, and I left Las Vegas in a $100,000 bus!
- If you look around the poker table and can’t figure out who the sucker is, you’re the sucker.
- You gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.
- I hope I break even tonight; I really need the money.
- Money won is 20 times better than money earned.
- Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
- Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start off with two hearts and a diamond, and pretty soon you want to grab a club and use a spade.
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Donald Trump has shown an un-president-ed flair for tarring his adversaries with pejorative nicknames, such as Crooked Hillary, Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco, Little Rocket Man and, most recently, Crazy and Nervous Nancy and Low Energy, Sleepy and Swamp Man Joe.
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I’m button-burstingly proud to trumpet the recent accomplishments of my two daughters. Annie Duke’s best-selling book, Thinking in Bets, was quite favorably reviewed in Elliot Raphaelson’s column, “The Savings Game,” which appeared in the U-T Business section on Sunday, May 26 (my birthday). Younger sister Katy Lederer recently completed a series of 13 columns for the Sunday New York Times offering workplace advice to millennials. I cannot imagine what inspired my daughters to become writers.