Mixed-up Metaphors Hit the Bull’s Eye on the Nose

DEAR RICHARD LEDERER: I was listening to a local radio talk show host who described an unexpected event as a “curve ball from left field.” I believe that is called a mixed metaphor. It made me start wondering if that sort of thing is more common than one would think. Have you encountered this? -Laura Carey, El Cajon

“The Communist menace is a snake in the grass that is gnawing away at the foundation of our ship of state” is a classic mixed metaphor from a student essay. “You’re biting the hand of the goose that laid the golden egg,” Hollywood mogul Sam Goldwyn once Goldwynized.

I never metaphor I didn’t like, and I never met a mixed metaphor I didn’t collect. I have a mind like a steel sieve, so I’m grabbing the bull by the tail, looking it straight in the eye and presenting the cream of the dregs of metaphors that just don’t add up:

• The bankers’ pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest workingman.
• The sacred cows have come home to roost.
• She was a diva of such immense talent that, after she performed, there was seldom a dry seat in the house.
• We have buttered our bread, and now we have to sleep in it.
• It’s frustrating to see President Trump mired in the limelight like a Goodyear Blimp lodged in the Lincoln Tunnel.
• Bullish catalysts are in short supply, whereas newfound economic headwinds have given oil bears ample ammunition to keep prices on the back foot.
• We are in a butt-ugly recession right now, but we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel.
• We’ll just throw darts in the dark and let the chips fall where they may.
• I plan to sit on the money for a while until I can get my feet on the ground.
• Skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.
• She’s offered to buy him an artificial leg, no strings attached.
• Traditional music is music handed down by ear.
• It’s just ham-fisted salami-slicing by the bean counters.
• We traveled through remote Chinese villages where the hand of Westerners has never set foot.
• Ernst van Dyk is literally running away with the wheelchair race.
• She kept breaking through the glass ceiling, and that ruffled some feathers.
• That really knocked the wind out of my socks!
• There is more than one way to cook a goose.
• These days, people are throwing white elephants and red herrings at each other.
• The media report violent events, which leads others to become violent. It’s a vicious snowball.
• This is not rocket surgery, you know.
• You must put your foot down with a firm hand.
• He minced no bones in talking about civil rights.
• They pulled the plug out from under me.
• It’s like beating the horse after the barn door has been closed.
• Keep your ear to the grindstone.
• Sometimes you’ve gotta stick your neck out on a limb.
• Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.
• Fish or get off the pot.
• The grass is always greener on the other side of the tracks.
• We are going to be shooting from the seat of our pants on this one.
• Let’s jump off that bridge when we come to it.
• He came through the experience smelling like a knight in shining armor.
• Don’t put all your chickens in one basket.
• Call a family meeting and get all the dirty dishwater ironed out.
• She juggles a lot on her plate.
• Please don’t sweep the dirty linen under the rug.
• She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.
• It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.
• She’s robbing Peter to pay the piper.

That nails it in a nutshell. When you boil it right down to brass tacks, it’s best to avoid mixing your metaphors.