Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.

holiday

 

In early September each year, Americans celebrate National Grandparents Day,  to honor the many contributions that grandmothers and grandfathers make to humanity. It was about 30,000 years ago that grandparents were invented. That’s when homo sapiens started living long enough to see their children have children and could thus educate their grandkids about the past. Today, grandparents make up a larger proportion of the U.S. population than ever before, accounting for almost 40% of adults ages 50 and over.

Blessed with seven grandkids myself, I know the answer to the following riddle: Why are grandparents like a piece of string? They’re handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren.

Humorist Erma Bombeck said it best: “If I’d known grandchildren were going to be so much fun, I’d have had them first.”

***

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
Taking all this in, the wideeyed little girl said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

***

A grandmother was playing with her little grandson. The boy’s older sister exclaimed, “Grandma, you sure like to play with little kids. You should have children of your own one day!”

***

 A grandmother said to her young grandson, “You know, in a month I’m going to be a great grandmother.”
The little boy replied, “Grandma, you’ve always been a great grandmother!”

***

Grandma didn’t know if her granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so she decided to test the little girl. Grandma pointed to something and asked what color it was. Granddaughter answered correctly each time, but Grandma was having so much fun with the game that she continued with it.
After more time passed, the little girl said sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

***

When a little boy asked his grandfather how old he was, Grandfather teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.”
“Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” the boy advised. “Mine says I’m 4  to 6.”

***

Sixyearold Leonard was playing a game on his computer. He asked his grandfather what kind of games he played on his computer when he was a boy. “Back then we didn’t have computers,” Grandpa explained.
Leonard looked puzzled: “But how did you get your email?”

***

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, “Momma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”

***

When the bus stopped to pick up young Chris for preschool, the driver noticed an older woman hugging him as he left his home. “Is that your grandmother?” the driver asked.
“Yes,” said Chris. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.”
“How nice,” the driver said. “Where does she live?”
“At the airport,” Chris replied. “Whenever we want her, we just go there and get her.”

***

A little girl was perched on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. Then she asked, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered. “God made me a long time ago.”
“Oh,” the little girl paused. “Grandpa, did God make me, too?”
“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said. “God made you just a little while ago.”
“God’s getting better at it, isn’t He?”