Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.

Poetry

What would you do if you opened your front door and saw Dracula, Frankenstein, a ghost, a ghoul, the Hulk, King Kong, a mummy, Quasimodo, a skeleton, a werewolf, a witch and a zombie standing on your steps?

Hope it’s Halloween.

We human beings are fascinated by monsters. We are somehow drawn to their ugliness. Monsters are ghastly, grotesque, gruesome, hair-raising, hideous, horrifying and downright yucky creatures. They are so ugly that their own shadows run away from them. They are so ugly that when they look in a mirror, their reflection looks back and screams. And they are so ugly that when they appear in Star Wars movies, they don’t wear costumes:

Here are a few monsterpieces I’ve conjured up:

One, Two

One, two. Ghosts go, “Boo!”
Three, four. Zombie gore.
Five six. King Kong’s tricks.
Seven, eight. Yetis skate.
Nine, ten. Werewolf’s den.

Eleven, twelve. Ghouls dig, delve.
Thirteen, fourteen. Dragons snorting
Fifteen, sixteen. Witches mix green.
Seventeen, eighteen. Hulk gyrating.
Nineteen, twenty. Freaks aplenty.

 

Don’t You Dare

Don’t ever play ping pong with King Kong.
Don’t ever take blood tests with Dracula.
Don’t you dare give a wedgie to Frankenstein.
Your ending will be quite spectaculah!

Don’t you dare snap a towel at Godzilla.
Such a prank would be foolishly rude.
Don’t you dare floss the teeth of a werewolf.
You are liable to end up as food!

Don’t you dare give a hotfoot to Bigfoot.
Don’t point a stake at a vampire.
Don’t you dare roast marshmallows with dragons.
You’ll find you are playing with fire!

Don’t you steal witches’ brooms for spring cleaning.
Don’t ever try scaring a ghost.
Don’t ever eat breakfast with zombies.
You’ll certainly end up as toast!

 

The Witches’ Cauldron

Double, double, toil and trouble.
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Eye of Cyclops, werewolf’s claw.
Hunchback’s hump and King Kong’s paw.
Horseman’s head and Hulk’s green thumb.
Marinate in ghoul drool scum.
Dragon scales and zombie’s ears.
Pour in a vial of ghostly tears.
Mummy’s rags and wing of bat.
Tail of warty witch’s cat.
Vampire’s fang and Bigfoot’s fur.
Give the yucky mix a stir!

I will eat it all with glee —
If it has no broccoli!
I’ll swallow all, with happy shouts —
As long as there’s no Brussels sprouts!

On Saturday, November 3, at 10 am, I’ll be presenting my new book, The Joy of  Names, at the Scripps Miramar Ranch Library, 10301 Scripps Lake Drive. Admission is free. I’d love to meet you there.