Dear Mr. Lederer, You’re hilarious. Thanks so much for entertaining and educating us. Speaking of hilarious, one of my favorite characters is Mrs. Malaprop. Surely she’s one of yours, too.

— Valerie Swink, Encinitas

When people misuse words in an illiterate but humorous manner, we call the result a malapropism. The word echoes the name of Mrs. Malaprop (from the French mal a propos, “not appropriate”), a character who first strode the stage in 1775, 240 years ago, in Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s comedy “The Rivals.” Mrs. Malaprop was a garrulous “old weather-beaten she dragon” who took special pride in her use of the King’s English but who, all the same, unfailingly mangled big words: “Sure, if I reprehend anything in this world it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!” She meant, of course, that if she comprehended anything, it was a nice arrangement of epithets.

From “The Rivals,” here are some more of Mrs. M’s most malapropriate malapropisms:

• Then, sir, she should have a supercilious knowledge in account; — and as she grew up, I should have her instructed in geometry, that she might know something of the contagious countries.

• She’s as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile.

• Illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory.

• He’s the very pineapple of politeness.

The giddy ghost of Mrs. Malaprop continues to haunt the hallowed halls of language. Here are some authentic, certified, unretouched modern-day malapropisms. As Dave Barry, my fellow Haverford College alumnus would say, I’m not making these up:

• If you wish to submit a recipe for publication in the cookbook, please include a short antidote concerning it.

• I don’t want to cast asparagus at my opponent.

• The mountain is named for the Reverend Starr King, who was an invertebrate climber.

• The fun and excitement of childhood are nothing compared to the fun and excitement of adultery.

• Ortiz is the most recent recipient of the pretentious Con Edison Athlete of the Week Award.

• Senators are chosen as committee chairmen on the basis of senility.

• I refuse to answer that question. It’s too suppository.

• I took up aerobics to help maintain my well-propositioned figure.

• Medieval cathedrals were supported by flying buttocks.

• The marriage was consummated on the altar.

• The food in our cafeteria is so bad it’s not fit for human constipation.

Here’s a malapropistic quiz. In the real-life malapropisms below, identify the right word that the speaker or writer has mangled:

1. I am privileged to speak at this millstone in the history of the college.

2. In Venice, the people travel around the canals in gorgonzolas.

3. I don’t want to cast asparagus at my opponent.

4. Who do you think you are, some kind of hexagon of virtue?

5. We have to deal seriously with this offense as a detergent to others.

6. He died interstate.

7. Too many Americans lead a sedimentary life.

8. The deceased was a vicarious reader.

9. They’ve decided to raise my benefits, and they’re making them radioactive.

10. The only sure-fire way to avoid teenage pregnancy is through obstinance.

Answers: 1. milestone 2. gondolas 3. aspersions 4. paragon 5. deterrent 6. intestate 7. sedentary 8. voracious 9. retroactive 10. abstinence