DEAR RICHARD: Contemplating the spread of laboratory-grown, humane meat, I began to imagine a menu for such delectables: Faux-let Mignon, Fakin’, Top Sir-lyin’, Paté Faux Gras, Not Roast, Cloned Beef & Cabbage, Spore Ribs, Prankfurters, Not Dogs, Honey-Baked Sham, Saw-such, Nutton, Chicken Winks, Presto Duck, Cheatloaf, Not Worst, Shadow Briand, and Fauxlish Sawsuch. -Linda Hughes, Lakeside

Punderful work, Linda! It just goes to prove that a good pun is like a good steak — a rare medium well done. Have you heard about Charlemagne, who mustard his Franks on a roll and set out with great relish to a salt and pepper his enemies — but he couldn’t catchup? Frankly, I never sausage a pun! It’s the wurst!

 DEAR RICHARD: Thanks for your columns about the joys of punning. Way back I was introduced to puns by Ms Drobnies, my English teacher at Castle Park High School. She taught an amazing lesson about puns to us 10^th graders. As the bell rang, she chirped, “O-pun the door.” We were hooked! I remember that moment — and the teacher — as if it were yesterday! –Karen Anderson-Orr, Tierrasanta

Karen, your message illuminates a statement by historian Henry Adams: “A teacher affects eternity. No one knows where his influence stops.”

 DEAR RICHARD: While listening to AM 640 KFI, I heard the news reporter say, “preventative measures” instead of “preventive measures.” Was she correct? -Joe Gallagher, Los Angeles

 In many horror films, malignant monsters, from giant insects to blobs of glop, writhe about. Alas, such grotesque mutations are not limited to science-fiction; they are constantly spawning in our language. We English speakers seem possessed by a desire to use a bloated form of certain words when a more compact form will do. These elongated versions are called “needless variants” and should be assiduously avoided.

To eschew the affectation of gratuitous syllabification, use preventive, not preventative; orient, not orientate; regardless, not irregardless; analysis, not analyzation; brilliance, not brilliancy; spayed, not spayded; skittish, not skitterish; compulsory, not compulsorary; connote, not connotate; heart rending, not heart-rendering; mischievous, not mischievious; grievous, not grievious; hark back to, not harken back to; combative, not combatative; accompanist, not accompanyist; desalination, not desalinization; archetypal, and, in most instances, sewage, not sewerage.

DEAR RICHARD: I have compiled a list of triple homophones,” trios of words that sound the same but are all spelled differently: to/too/two, do/due/dew, so/sew/sow, by/bye/buy, site/sight/cite, way/weigh/whey, tease/teas/tees, rays/raise/raze, poor/pour/pore, and there/their/they’re. Can you think of any other triads and longer clusters of homophones? -Bill Goddard, Clairemont

You’ve made an excellent start,. There exist at least 100 triple homophones. Here are 10 of them to add to your 10: aisle/I’ll/isle, aye/I/eye, cent/scent/sent, chord/cord/cored, cite/sight/site, flew/flu/flue, for/fore/four, knead/kneed/need, road/rode/rowed, and whined/wind/wined.

Now, here’s a smattering of homophones more crowded than triplets: oar/o’er/or/ore (4), air/ere/err/heir (4), and ewes/u’s/use/yews/youse (5).

DEAR RICHARD: I am in the process of proofing a program for Lamplighter’s Community Theatre’s upcoming production, “The Gift of the Magi.” Actors submit their own bios for the program. We have a recurring issue when actors list productions they have been in. I think the proper name of a play should either be within quotes or italicized in every bio. Is this correct or has this practice changed? Some actors do this and some do not. Here’s an example: “His previous credits include Witchland (Backyard Renaissance), Pride and Prejudice (Grossmont College), Carrie (Onstage), Dogfight (Coronado Playhouse), and Into the Woods, Legally Blonde, Hairspray (Granite Hills).” -Nancy Roger, La Mesa

Use italics to indicate the titles of complete works, such as books, anthologies, magazines, movies, and operas. Thus, all the titles in your example — Witchland, Pride and Prejudice, etc.— should be italicized.

Use quotation marks to set off the titles of short works — poems, chapters, magazine articles, short stories, and songs, which are usually included in longer works.