Some people lament that speaking and writing these days are simply a collection of faddish clichés patched together like the sections of prefabricated houses made of ticky-tacky. They see modern communication as a mindless clacking of trendy expressions.

Why is English parlance in such a parlous state? Maybe it’s because verbal knee-jerkery requires no thought. It’s so much easier not to think, isn’t it? It’s so much easier to cookie-cut the rich dough of the English language. It’s so much easier to microwave a frozen dinner than to create a meal from scratch. 

That’s what fadspeak is — the mindless mix of mimicry and gimmickry, vogue phrases that launch a thousand lips. Before you can say, “yada yada yada,” these throwaway expressions become instant clichés, perfect for our throwaway society, like paper wedding dresses for throwaway marriages. 

So would I, your poster boy for user-friendly writing, ever gaslight and throw shade on you with totally bogus fadspeak? No way, Jose. Not a problem. No worries. No harm; no foul. I have zero tolerance for anything that lowers the bar for what makes world-class writing.

Work with me on this. I’ve been around the block, and I’m not talking trash here. I’m not the 800-pound gorilla out to bust your chops. I feel your pain, and I’m your new best friend.

So let’s cut to the chase. At this point in time, I bring a lot to the table, so here’s my full plate of word salad. I connect the dots and think outside the box. I’ve got all my ducks in a row. This is a drop kick and a slam dunk. It’s a win-win situation.

Hey, people, this isn’t rocket science or brain surgery. I will go to the mat 24-7 for fresh, original language. I want to level the playing field and give something back to the community. Join the club. Do the math. Welcome to my world.

Going forward, I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse. I’m never going to slip into those hackneyed, faddish expressions that afflict our precious American language. Sound like a plan? It’s a done deal. I come to play, and the ball’s in your court.

Doesn’t it push your buttons, yank your chain, and rattle your cage when a writer or speaker puts dynamite language on the back burner? Doesn’t it send you on an emotional roller coaster until you crash and burn? Doesn’t fadspeak just blow you out of the water and make you want to scream, “Why are you shooting yourself in the foot? You’re history! You’re toast! You’re going down! You’re so twentieth century! Put a sock in it! Don’t give up your day job!” 

You are so-o-o-o busted. Read my lips! Get a life! And while you’re at it, why don’t you knock yourself out and get a vocabulary?”

Suck it up, get up to speed, go the whole nine yards, push the envelope, and take it to another level. Fadspeakers and fadwriters just play the old tapes again and again, and their ideas just fall through the cracks. They’re not playing with a full deck. The light’s on, but nobody’s home.

Earth to clichémeisters. Are we on the same page? Are we having fun yet? Are you having some kind of a bad-hair day? A midlife crisis? A senior moment? It’s time for a wake-up call and a reality check.

Get with the program. Wake up and smell the coffee, How about we cut to the chase? Deal with it. Or maybe I’m just preaching to the choir. 

Whenever I find some of these snippets of fadspeak strewn about a sentence, I’m in your face. I’m your worst nightmare. Those flavor-of-the-month phrases just make me go ballistic, even to the point of going postal. After all, what goes around comes around.

All right. My bad. I understand that you’re not a happy camper, but when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Gimme a break. Cut me some slack. What am I, chopped liver? Now that I’ve thrown my hissy fit about fadspeak, it is what it is.

Thanks a bunch for letting me share. Now that I’ve been able to tell it like it is in real time, I’m outa here. Talk to you soon. Buh-bye — and have a nice day. 

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On Sunday, September 29, Do Something Now, which donates bicycles both here and abroad, will host a pickleball tournament at Rancho Arbolitos Club in Poway. During the tournament, I’ll be offering pickleball lessons for beginners. For information go to do-something-now.org.

Please send your questions and comments about language to Richard Lederer.