DEAR RICHARD: Thank you for giving me the bird in your recent column about our feathered
friends. I just wish I could be your wing man, but I suppose that would require me to be in the
pecking order. I certainly don’t have much perch-a-sing power. In any case, just flying high in
your universe puts a feather in my cap. In the future I’ll try to avoid parroting you or crowing
about my input. Have to go now. Lots to Twitter about. -Richard Rachel, University City

I’m not only a word botcher. I’m a bird watcher. So I’m going to take you under my wing
and tell you that our fowl language is strictly for the birds.
One of the most pyrotechnic examples of avian word play is this limerick by Dixon Lanier Merritt:

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican,
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I’m damned if I see how the helican!

*Here’s an aviary of my favorite bird jokes, all guaranteed to quack you up:

*What the difference between a bird and a San Diegan? A bird can make a deposit on an
automobile.
*What kind of luggage do vultures take onto airplanes? Carrion.
*What do you call a parrot that has flown away? A polygon.
*What bird is the most frugal? Toucan live as cheaply as one.
*What do you call a sick bird? An illegal.
*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!

I also crow about crow jokes:
*Before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to drink at home.
*A raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16. So the difference
between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
*What do crows use to stick together in flocks? Velcrow.
*In order to have a murder of crows, you must have probable caws.

A little bird told me that you readers should take a gander at the aviary below to come up
with appropriate words and expressions to match the definitions that follow. Sometimes the name
of a given bird can stand by itself; sometimes you will have to provide a suffix or a phrase that
includes a given bird, as in “low pay: chickenfeed.” Don’t quail at this challenge. Feather your
nest with all the correct answers you can, and you’ll really have something to crow about.

Match these bird words with the definitions that follow:
albatross bird buzzard canary catbird chicken cock coot crane crow cuckoo dodo dove duck eagle
gander goose grouse gull hawk hen lark loon owl parrot pigeon quail swan turkey vulture

1. supporter of war 2. opponent of war 3. a coward 4. the wrong direction 5. a great
burden 6. a parasitical person 7. a stupid person 8. a crazy person 9. a crazy person 10. an old
person 11. an old person 12. dominated by one’s wife 13. a politician nearing end of term 14. one
who stays up late 15. a position of advantage 16. aggressively confident 17. what humbled people eat
18. one who rats on others 19. one who rats on others 20. an escapade
21. look at 22. easily duped or cheated 23. having sharp sight 24. complain 25. suddenly,
independently 26. to repeat another’s words 27. one under par on a hole in golf 28. an item of heavy
machinery 29. to cower 30. a farewell appearance

*****

Answers
1. hawk 2. dove 3. chicken 4. wild goose chase 5. albatross
6. vulture 7. dodo 8. cuckoo 9. loon 10. buzzard
11. coot / crow 12. henpecked 13. lame duck 14. night owl 15. in the catbird seat
16. cocky or cocksure 17. crow 18. canary 19. stool pigeon 20. lark
21. take a gander at 22. gullible 23. eagle-eyed 24. grouse 25. cold turkey
26. parrot 27. birdie 28. crane 29. quail 30. swan song