I am a member of the Grammar Police force, and our motto is “To Serve and Correct!” How strong is your grasp of English grammar, usage, spelling, and punctuation? To help you find out, here’s a passage marred by three dozen goofs and gaffes, blunders and boo-boos, and fluffs and flubs that frequently infest print and speech. How many can you catch and repair?

A SAD OCCURRANCE IN THE CLASSROOM

“I don’t want to cast dispersions and reek havoc, but I sincerely feel like you students should have passed the test,” lamented the teacher who felt badly about the whole affair. The students refused to except the fact that they had failed, but the teacher was one of those pedagogues who was a tough grader.

For all intensive purposes, Jill was an obvious choice as class spokesperson, but she was reticent to take such a role with it’s responsibilities. She would have went along with whomever else was chosen. Jack’s situation was different than Jill. His class standing was more effected by the grade because he had answered less questions correctly. Trying hard to be clear, the argument Jack offered was “This test was harder, longer and more complicated than any I have taken. Can you tell Jill and I what the test was about and your purpose in giving it”? The students waited with baited breath for an answer.

The teacher replied, “If I was in you’re place, I too would be upset.” A great amount of students was impressed by their teacher trying to explain the situation, nevertheless, it seemed to them that, in their opinion, they knew more about fairness than him.

Now that all the cards had been lain on the table, the teacher preceded to explain how the students should tow the line because he had much more experience than them, which he took for granite was a mute point. “Please do not imply,” she added, “that it is all together easy to insure fairness on tests”.

Answers

A SAD OCCURRENCE IN THE CLASSROOM

“I don’t want to cast aspersions and wreak havoc, but I sincerely feel that [like is usually a verb or preposition] you students should have passed the test,” lamented the teacher, [comma before a nonrestrictive clause] who felt bad [bad is the more acceptable form here] about the whole affair. The students refused to accept the fact that they had failed, but the teacher was one of those pedagogues who were tough graders. [The adjective clause modifies pedagogues, not one.]

For all intents and purposes, Jill was an obvious choice as class spokesperson, but she was reluctant to take such a role with its responsibilities. She would have gone along with whoever [subject of the passive verb was chosen] else was chosen. Jack’s situation was different from Jill’s [different from to introduce nouns; illogical comparison]. His class standing was more affected by the grade because he had answered fewer [fewer for countable entities] questions correctly. Trying hard to be clear, Jack argued [dangling participle] “This test was harder, longer, and more complicated [insert a serial comma before and] than any other [illogical comparison] I have taken. Can you tell Jill and me what the test was about and why you gave it?” [faulty parallelism; the question mark should repose inside the end-quotation marks] The students waited with bated breath for an answer.

The teacher replied, “If I were [subjunctive mood; condition contrary to fact] in your place, I too would be upset.” A great number [number for countable quantities] of the students were impressed by their teacher’s [possessive noun before a phrase] trying to explain the situation. Nevertheless, [comma splice] it seemed to them that [delete the redundancy here] they knew more about fairness than he [subject of an adverb clause of comparison],

Now that all the cards had been laid on the table, the teacher proceeded to explain how the students should toe the line because he had much more experience than they [subject of understood adverb clause of comparison], which he took for granted was a moot point. “Please do not infer,” he added, “that it is altogether easy to ensure fairness on tests.” [Periods repose inside end-quotation marks.]

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On Thursday, October 19, starting at 2 pm, at the Ramona Community Library, 1275 Main Street, I’ll be presenting “A Treasury of Halloween Humor.” Free admission. I’d love to meet you there.