’Twas Halloween Night

(Thanks to Clement Clark Moore, who wrote “The Night Before Christmas.”)

’Twas Halloween night, and all through the house,
All the creatures were stirring and eating a mouse.

The monsters had gathered to plan and prepare
For all trick-or-treaters they wanted to scare.

Each creature stepped forth and performed energetically
Their Halloween act and did so alphabetically.

The Abominable Snowman, known as a Yeti,
Celebrated the night by tossing confetti.

The Bats had a blast, and they left us aghast!
Through the flap in the bat door they flew out so fast.

Count Dracula rose, as he does at night often.
And the whole house was racked by his terrible coffin.

A Cyclops awoke, afflicted with pink eye.
In a bad-tempered mood, he gave us the stink eye.

Frankenstein sat bolt upright in his ’lectric chair.
“So re-volt-ing! I’m shocked!” he screamed in despair.

The Ghosts were all moaning. Their voices were heated.
They started their meeting with “Let’s all be sheeted.”

A five-legged Ghoul only mummy could love
Wore polka-dot trousers that fit like a glove.

Godzilla told jokes. Please don’t think me a louse.
He wasn’t that funny, but he brought down the house.

King-Kong climbed the walls and chanted some voodoo.
All over the halls, monkey see, monkey doo doo.

The long Loch Ness Monster, her eyes rather bleary,
Decided to go for a swim in Lake Eerie.

A chummy old Mummy was no crummy dummy.
She dumped treats yummy, gummy into her scummy tummy.

A Skeleton offered a toast quite upbeat,
Raised a mug of formaldehyde: “Bone appétit!”

A Howl-o-ween Werewolf ate garlic that night.
All agreed that his breath was much worse than his bite.

Into the room crept a Witch quite inept.
She had just cleaned her house, and the hag overswept.

All the monsters exclaimed, as they lurched out of sight,
“Happy Haunting to all — and to all a good fright!”

***

I’ll be performing “A Treasury of Halloween Humor” at Remington II, 16925 Hierba Drive, Rancho Bernardo, on October 28, 1:30 pm, and at Grossmont Oasis, 5500 Grossmont Center Drive, Suite 269, on October 31, 10 am.

I’ll be launching my new book, “American History for Everyone,” at the Rancho Santa Fe Senior Center, 16780 La Gracia, on November 6, 10 am.

Please send your questions and comments about language to Richard Lederer.