Child film star Shirley Temple wrote, “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”

It’s fun to look at the holiday through the innocent eyes of children:

A mother was pleased with the Christmas card her son had made her but was puzzled about the scraggly-looking tree he had drawn. At the very top perched something that looked strangely like a bullet. Mom asked the boy if he would explain the drawing and tell why the tree itself was so bedraggled, instead of a fat pine tree. “It’s not a Christmas tree,” he said. “It’s a cartridge in a bare tree.”

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“And what would you like for Christmas?” asked a department store Santa Claus. The child stared at him open-mouthed, then gasped, “Didn’t you get my e-mail?”

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A girl wrote in a Christmas card to her aunt, “I want to thank you for all the presents you have sent in the past, as well as all the ones you are going to send me this Christmas.”

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Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the more important role. Finally, the ten-year-old said to her younger sister, “Well, you just ask Mom. She’ll tell you it’s much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel.”

***

A Sunday-school teacher was talking about the Christmas story and asked, “And what was the name of Jesus’s mother?”
“Mary,” all said.
“Now what his father’s name?”
One little fellow raised his hand. “Virge.”
“Virge? Where did you get that idea?”
“Well,” answered the boy, “they always talk about the Virge ’n’ Mary!”

***

Another Sunday-school teacher asked her class, “What gifts did the three wise men give to the Christ child?”
“Gold!” answered one pupil.
“Frankincense,” called out a second.
And a third volunteered, “Gift cards!”

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A youngster drew a Christmas scene that showed Santa with his sleigh and reindeer. There were the regular eight and Rudolph plus a strange looking tenth animal. The addition looked like a cross between a reindeer and a cow with a green nose. The youngster explained that it was Olive, the udder reindeer.

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Another Sunday-school teacher had the little ones draw pictures of the Bible stories. Little Emma proudly presented the teacher a picture of the journey to Bethlehem. The drawing showed an airplane flying over the desert. In the passenger area sat Joseph, Mary, and little Jesus.
“The drawing is fine,” said the teacher, “but who’s that way up front?”
Answered the girl, “That’s Pontius the Pilot.”

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When yet another Sunday-school teacher asked her student why there was a dog in the nativity drawing, the fledgling artist explained that it was a German shepherd. That shepherd has been joined in the gallery of Sunday-school portraiture by a grinning ursine with crossed eyes — Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear.

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Sunday-school boys and girls not only produce graphic misinterpretations of the Bible in their drawings, they also rewrite biblical history with amazing grace. It is astonishing what happens to the Christmas story when young scholars around the world retell it:

The King James Virgin of the Bible tells us that when Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta and wrapped him in toddler clothes. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

In the Gospel of Luke they named him Enamel. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head. Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem because they couldn’t get a babysitter. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus laid in the manager. When Jesus grew up, he explained the Golden Rule: “Do one to others before they do one unto you.”