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I invite you to send me your original verse(s) about Halloween, the spookiest night of the year. You may choose any form of poetry — sonnet, haiku, quatrain, limerick, etc. One, two, or three total submissions per contestant; limit of 14 lines, plus a title for each poem.
I’ll judge your scary verses on their originality, content, and form. The deadline for submission is Sunday, October 9. Please, please identify the San Diego community you live in.
A selection of your horrifying stanzas will haunt the October 15 installment of “Lederer on Language.” Best versifiers will receive a signed copy of my book A Treasury of Halloween Humor.
Hoping to inspire you, I share two of my humble Halloween limericks:
The Spookiest Night of the Year
Tonight, when the last light is gone
And you’re sleepy and yawned your last yawn,
Ghosts and ghouls will come out —
Witches, bats — but don’t pout.
All those monsters will leave before dawn.
Monster Mash
A ghost and a witch with a broom
And a ghoul and a bat in a room
Stayed up very late
So that they could debate
About who should be frightened of whom!
***
Now have a look at this recent press release:
“For the first time in the comedy skit show’s nearly half-century history, “Saturday Night Live” will have an openly nonbinary cast member. Molly Kearney, a comedian and actor known for their role as Fern Dannely in Amazon’s “A League of Their Own,” will be among the new actors joining the show in its upcoming 48th season.
“Kearney, who is based in Los Angeles, has long been a stand-up comic and has helped produce a monthly outdoor stand-up show called “The Big One.” They’ve performed countless shows in Los Angeles, Chicago, Milwaukee, and other cities.”
Note the use of they and they’ve as third-person singular pronouns in this announcement. You may find those pronouns jarring, but I guarantee that, in the years to come, you’ll be reading and hearing a lot more theys used this way.
***
Writer and dictionary maker Samuel Johnson was once told, “You smell!”
“No,” Doctor Johnson corrected his accuser. “You smell. I stink!”
In a variation of that story, Dr. Johnson was dandling a chambermaid on his knee when his wife entered the scene and exclaimed, “Samuel, I am surprised!”
“No, my dear,” Johnson explained, “I am surprised. You are astonished!”
***
Recently, Roger Federer, one of the greatest and most graceful tennis players of all time and the winner of 20 major tennis titles and 103 overall, retired from the sport.
Turns out that his name can be abbreviated as R. EDERER—and so can mine! Have you ever seen the two of us together? Of course not because, like Billy Batson to Captain Marvel, I, Richard Lederer, am the alter ego of Roger Federer!:
A tennis star named Roger Federer
Turns out to be me, Richard Lederer,
Like Bruce Wayne to Batman
And Clark Kent to that man —
I fabricate lies, fibs, etceterer!
***
I’ll soon be presenting A Treasury of Halloween Humor at two San Diego libraries. Admission is free and worth every penny, and I’d love to meet you there:
Tuesday, October 11, 12:30 pm – University Community Branch Library, 4155 Governor Drive / 858 552 1655
Wednesday, October 12, 2pm – Rancho Bernardo Library, 17110 Bernardo Center Drive / 858 538 8163
Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.