Recently, the Scripps National Spelling Bee, held in Washington, DC, celebrated its centennial.
Since 1925, children across our fair land have competed in classroom, school, and regional spelling
bees, hoping to make it to the big dance, the Scripps National Spelling Bee. On the model of the
collectively busy bee, we call these events spelling bees. In 19 th-century America, a bee indicated a
community effort in which neighbors pitched in, often to help out a family. Examples include chopping
bee, husking bee, logging bee, quilting bee, house- or barn-raising bee, sewing bee, spinning be ,and,
ultimately, spelling bee.

One night when Joel Chandler Harris, creator of the Uncle Remus tales, was at his
editorial desk, an old-time reporter looked over and asked, “Say, Joel, how do you spell the word
“graphic”? With one ‘f’ or two?”

“Well,” replied Harris in his gentle drawl, “if you’re going to use any ‘f’s, you might as
well go the limit.”

Years ago, I stopped to buy some writing supplies in Kansas City and noticed that the gold-
lettered sign in the window read STATIONARY STORE.

I pointed out the misspelled word to the woman behind the counter and explained that
“stationary” meant “immobile, unmoving,” in one place.”

“Well, honey,” said the clerk as she made change, “we’ve been at this location for 17 years.”

In The Devil’s Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce defines “orthography” as “the science of spelling by
the eye instead of the ear. Advocated by the outmates of every asylum for the insane.” J. Donald
Adams adds, “It is wildly erratic and almost wholly without logic. One needs the eye of a hawk, the ear
of a dog, and the memory of an elephant to make headway against its confusions and inconsistencies.”
Mario Pei sums up the chaos this way: “English spelling is the world’s most awesome mess.”
Yes, indeed, the English language can be weird science. Note that the last two words in that
sentence both violate the “i” before “e,” except after “c” rule. Take heart: English spelling can be
mastered through tough, thorough thought, though. That’s five of 12 soundings of the letters
“ough.”

The vagaries of English orthography plague us long after we have left school. I am tickled
pink to share my favorite jolly good spellos. As a famous bumper sticker proclaims, “Bad
Spellers of the World Untie!”:

• I have been raising this question for some years, but it is like the tree that falls in the dessert. Nobody hears it.
• In Pittsburgh, they manufacture iron and steel.
• They gave William IV a lavish funeral. It took ten men to carry the beer.
• Grace Varney’s voice broke with emotion as her toe-headed son clung to her side.
• For the past three years, I have volunteered as a candy stripper in our local hospital.
• When she moved north from Georgia, she suffered with drawl symptoms.
• On Thanksgiving, I could smell the foul cooking.
• Vestal virgins were pure and chased.
• Russia is experiencing a considerable decline in the value of the rubble.
• During peek season, the beach is covered with hundreds of bikini-clad beauties.
• He was best known for his pukish humor.
• Taking this course will raise your essay tee scores.
• According to Postmaster Gerry Geiger, two out of every three Mill Valley citizens choose
• to pick their male up at the Post Office, which is the obvious cause of congestion.
• and Mrs. Garth Robinson request the honor of your presents at the marriage of their daughter Holly to Mr. James Stockman.

 

Misspellings can end up screaming to the world in ginormous type, as demonstrated by
these real-life headline howlers:

ESCAPEE CAPTURED
AFTER 10 DAYS ON THE LAMB

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U.N. PEACEKEEPERS LAND
IN LIBERIA TO REIGN IN VIOLENCE

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POLICE TO REWARD
HELMETED ROLLERBLADDERS

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NEW VACCINES MAY CONTAIN RABBIS

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WOMEN SEEK BIRTHS ON US TRACK TEAM

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SENATE PANEL AGREES TO MUCH SEX ON TV