In America, we celebrate just about everything, so it may come as no surprise to you that, in two days, March 4 (March Forth!), my pun pals will observe National Pun Day. After all, a good pun is like a good steak — a rare medium well done.

A few weeks ago, I participated in a punderful event called Pundemonium, held at Finest City Improv, in Hillcrest. Sarah Flocken (SanDiegoPundemonium@gmail.com), of Kearny Mesa, is the Lone Arranger and Cheerwoman of the Bored for Pundemonium, in which pun ladies and pun gents sharpen their pun cells..

As International Punster of the Year, an honor I received in 1990 from the International Save the Pun Foundation, I was invited to attend and compete. I bask in the afterglow of my rewording experience at Pundemonium. The throng may be over, but the malady lingers on.

In Pundemonium, punsters are invited to match wits in various events. In Battle of the PUNdits, contestants prepare and deliver a two-minute monologue riddled with puns on a topic of their choice.

One of the top puns top guns was Darren Cunningham, of Kearny Mesa. He performed a tongue-in-cheek rant about the Super Bowl, expressed through a line-up of National Football League team names: 

I hope none of my comPATRIOTS in the audience really care about the NFL. Once a year, no matter how hard I STEELERS myself for it, I feel like all this Super Bowl stuff gets RAMS-ed down my throat! I hate every day as the game BUC-CAN-NEERS closer and closer. I used to like it, but I was just young and BEN-GULL-ible.

And the cost for this stupid spectacle! Can you imagine seeing the BILLS for it? What if we spent this money on schools instead? Think about fourth graders – I bet you could easily fund the educations of FORTY-NINERS if not 400 of them. That’s the CARDINALS sin of our society though. If only we loved brains as much as we love BRAWN-cos. SAINT that the truth?

But it’s all about those commercials with their stupid product TIE-TINS to football that PANTHER to the average American! Better break out those CHARGER cards and RAIDer wallets for the next dumb thing you don’t need.

And all that faux patriotism from people who don’t think we look at our leaders and SEA-HAWKS that just want to wage JAG-WARS so that they can raise TAXANS, and we know they’re LIONs about everything. I’ve never had less faith in our COMMANDERS in CHIEFS than during these displays of phony patriotism.

And these players aren’t just treated like rich JETS-setters, people treat them like Vi-KINGS! What a weird display of pag-GIANT-try! Everyone is RAVENS about these players like they’re COLTs figures, and while my bros are hyping up these players, I’m just telling them “don’t have a COW, BOYS, they’re just athletes.” There’s nothing EAGLE-itarian about this weird celebrity worship.

And all that terrible unhealthy food they just want you to PACKERS into your stomach. It BEARly counts as real food! That’s my rant, and now I’m DOL-PHINished.

In the second tour de farce of the evening, dubbed “The Punger Games,” punslingers go head-to-head with each other in a tournament-style pun-off. Contestants shoot from the lip and from the quip at each other, dueling and fooling with a topic that they’re given on the spot. Subjects included Plants and Flowers, Spices and Seasonings, Cats, Breakfast, Video Games, Musical Instruments, School, and Superheroes and Comics.

The last punster standing — this time it was Jacob Rozansky, of Fullerton — wins a golden trophy shaped like a chicken, a veritable golden nugget, which I would call a Pullet Surprise.

You can follow Pundemonium on Instagram at @sandiegopundemonium, replete with puns jokes, and advertisements for upcoming shows. You can also check finestcityimprov.com for show listings.

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Two spectacular immersive experiences, Beyond Van Gogh and Beyond Monet, will be available at the Del Mar Fairgrounds until April 4. I hope you have enough Monet to make Lautrec to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh,

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The Odysseus lunar lander has made the first US landing on the moon in more than 50 years. In Homer’s epic poem, Odysseus, King of Ithaca, took a 10-year odyssey to return home from the Trojan War.