When you think about it, the existence of a daily newspaper is a miracle. After all, a newspaper is an enormous product that must be manufactured almost from scratch every day. Even more incredible is that millions of words pour forth from the nation’s presses each day, and almost every one of them is grammatically accurate.

But, occasionally, under the pressure of constant deadlines, an editor will goof, and the results can be hilarious, ludicrous, or macabre. Let’s have a look at some irrepressible fluffs and flubs from actual newspaper articles:

• The spacious home of Judge and Mrs. Clayton was the scene of a beautiful wedding last evening when their youngest daughter, Carol, was joined in holy deadlock by Mr. Fox.
• Columbia, Tennessee, which calls itself the largest outdoor mule market in the world, held a mule parade yesterday headed by the Governor.
• Stein played a whimsical number, “London Derriere,” as his salute to St. Patrick’s Day.
• Zimbabwe Rhodesian guerrilla leaders demanded Monday that a Commonwealth peacekeeping force of several thousand men — one with teeth — be sent to enforce a cease-fire in the war against their forces.
• The attorney general’s office said yesterday that an autopsy performed on the headless body of a man found in Mason failed to determine the cause of death.
• Joining Wallace on stage were new School Committeewoman Elvira Pixie Palladino and Boston City Councilman Albert (Dapper) O’Neil, both active opponents of court-ordered busing and Wallace’s wife.
• See Paul Lucas. The complete dope on the weather.
• Weather: Sunny with a few cloudy periods today and Thursday, which will be followed by Friday.
• The summary of information contains totals of the number of students broken down by sex, age, and marital status.
• Medical ethics are the choices we make based on our value system in moral considerations in the field of medicine. One example is youth in Asia. We have got the choice of letting a person live on a machine or pulling the plug. What’s right?
• The sewer expansion project is nearing completion, but city officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished.

Even when a newspaper staff discovers that it has splattered egg on its pages, the clean-up operation can be embarrassingly messy, as witness these so-called corrections:

• Our paper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.
• It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. It is actually Teacher Appreciation Day. 
• Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a battle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously meant that the talk was given by a bottle-scarred hero.
• In a recent edition we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacooccoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.
• The marriage of Freda Van Amburg and William Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake we wish to correct.
• He received his graduate degree in unclear physics.
• The defendant was charged with carless driving.
• Taylor Frey led the Cougars with eight tickles.
• Diane’s wedding drew a terrific crowd, including Sally Bates, who everybody thought was a broad.

***

I have a number of appearances coming up, all free and worth every penny. I’d love to meet you at one of them.

Tonight, September 28, starting at 10 pm, I’ll be performing at Pundemonium, a puns contest, at
Finest City Improv, 3746 6th Avenue, Hillcrest.

On Sunday, October 6, 2 pm, I’ll be presenting “Fascinating Facts About Our Presidents” at
Brookdale Place, 1590 W. San Marcos Blvd. in San Marcos.

On Tuesday, October 8, 4 pm, at the Scripps Miramar Library,
10301 Scripps Lake Drive, I’ll be launching my new book “American History for Everyone.” 

Please send your questions and comments about language to Richard Lederer.