The other day, I got pulled over by the Grammar Police. They ticketed me for Reckless Punctuation, Faulty Subject-Verb Agreement, Splitting My Infinitives, Terminal Prepositions, Verb Tense Disorder, Misplacement of Modifiers, and Dangling My Participles in Public.
On the side of the police car was emblazoned:
Grammar Police
To Serve and Correct
I’m button-burstingly proud to announce that, on Monday, March 7, starting at 7:30 pm, I’ll be performing a one-man show, “Dr. Grammar Guy,” at North Coast Repertory Theatre, 987 Lomas Santa Fe Drive, Suite 10, in Solana Beach. This is a benefit performance for a top-tier playhouse. All ticket sales and proceeds from my auctioning myself off for language performances and poker lessons will redound to NCRT.
For information, call 858 481 1055 or visit northcoastrep.org.
My show will feature grammar dressed up to have fun. Even if your memories of high-school grammar lessons are dark, I guarantee that you will laugh and learn. Too, I’d love to meet you there.
*****
A phalanx of San Diegans are interested in learning proper grammar, as witness these letters from U-T readers:
DEAR RICHARD: What has happened to “you and I”? Now we hear “me and you” everywhere, even on national news broadcasts! I bemoan the loss of proper grammar. Thank you for trying to keep proper language alive. –Dee Lange, Mission Beach
Pronouns are those all-purpose little words, such as I, her, and yourself, that spare us the drudgery of having to write the name of a person, place or thing again and again. As versatile as they are, however, pronouns cause more mistakes in usage than any other part of speech:
Regarding the order of nouns and pronouns, most students are taught that the speaker or writer (first person) defers to the other people about whom (third person) and to whom (second person) the narrator is speaking. Nowadays, though, we increasingly hear speakers placing themselves first in the sentence, often in the form of me. In formal discourse, that’s an atrocity of both case and number. Some observers believe that such syntax (word order) spawns a linguistic egotism, a “me first” attitude.
Flash! A lavish revival of a beloved Rodgers and Hammerstein musical will be coming to the Civic Theatre. The new title is “Me and the King.”
DEAR RICHARD: We watch quite a bit of European soccer (the real football). I notice that in England “the team are . . .” whereas in American football (so-called) “the team is . . .” –Bill Pease, Rancho Bernardo
British grammar favors are, as in “England are leading Australia 2-1 in the cricket match,” while the U.S. favors is, as in “the faculty is discussing the new curriculum.” When it comes to group nouns, the Brits think atomistically, while we think molecularly.
DEAR RICHARD: I wish you would proofread our local rag before it goes to print! Prince Harry wrote the “forward for a new book . . .” I’ve never seen a forward in writing, but I guess the royal family enjoys literary license, right? -John Hardesty, Oceanside
Great catch, John. The classic boo-boo in some books is the appearance of Forward, instead of the correct Foreword (“the word at the fore, the beginning”), set in large type above the Introduction. Even the royals are not granted that kind of entitlement.
DEAR RICHARD: I have a question about your grammar in a recent column. You wrote, “Then somebody stole my thesaurus. To whoever did that, you made my day bad.” Shouldn’t that be whomever? -Steve Rearwin, Borrego Springs
Every verb must have a subject. Whoever (nominative case) is the subject of the verb. “Then what is the object of the preposition to?” you ask. The answer is the entire noun clause “whoever did that.” Consider the sentence “I know who did it.” The verb know takes an object, but no experienced speaker of English would say, “I know whom did it.” That’s because the object of know is the entire noun clause “who did it.”
DEAR RICHARD: I’ve been wondering whether “whether or not” is redundant. I understand whether to mean “maybe yes, maybe no,” as in “I don’t know whether it will rain.” –Steve Eaton, Carlsbad
Whether will do just fine because whether implies “or not.”