This is the time of year when teachers send parents evaluations of their children’s academic achievements and shortcomings. One teacher actually wrote, “Here is your child’s progress report. Sign the verification form at the top where indicated and return to school with your child in the envelope.” In truth, teachers exhibit a remarkable ability to […]
Over the centuries, some lucky people have been granted a measure of immortality by having had their names transformed into common English words. One way to achieve such posthumous fame is to become so closely identified with an idea that your name becomes an ism. Thusly, the names of philosophers Plato and Karl Marx are […]
A few weeks ago, I presented a parade of real-life, verbally clever signs and placards that have adorned places of business around the world. I invited you, my punderful readers, to wing me your own creations. More than 125 entries poured in. Here are the three winners, each of whom will receive a signed copy […]
If you’re like me, you have, from time to time, encountered a situation that cried out for a snappy verbal comeback. But the comeback flashed in your mind a few minutes to a few hours too late and you could only sigh wistfully, “I wish I had thought of that line then.” There’s actually a […]
On this, our nation’s birthday, I hope you’ll enjoy this fractured chronicle of American history composed entirely of certified, genuine, authentic, unretouched student fabrications. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. Christopher Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic Ocean on the Nina, the Pinta Colada and the Santa Fe. Columbus knelt, thanked […]
Last week, I wrote about malapropisms, the misuse of words in an illiterate but humorous manner. Today I feature a special kind of malapropism. An Austin, Texas, emergency medical technician answered a call at the home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were placing her into the ambulance, the lady […]
Dear Mr. Lederer, You’re hilarious. Thanks so much for entertaining and educating us. Speaking of hilarious, one of my favorite characters is Mrs. Malaprop. Surely she’s one of yours, too. — Valerie Swink, Encinitas When people misuse words in an illiterate but humorous manner, we call the result a malapropism. The word echoes the […]
The following drastic measures were inadvertently taken in notes written by parents to excuse their children’s absences from school: “My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today,” wrote a parent. “Please execute him.” “Please excuse Mary for being absent,” wrote another parent. “She was sick and I had her shot.” […]
This year we celebrate the 40th anniversary of the film classic “Young Frankenstein.” With Halloween shambling toward us, here’s a brief bio of that famous and infamous monster: Dr. Victor Frankenstein was the world’s first body builder. He created his monster because he liked to make new friends. For his ground-breaking work, he was awarded […]
Responding to the challenge of my recent limericks contest, you, my verbivorous readers, winged me 193 sprightly examples of that light verse form. In gratitude, I go out on a limerick and share some spooky limericks that I’ve conjured up for this Halloween. Each creature steps forth To perform energetically Its Halloween act And does […]