Fifty years ago today, Gen. Douglas MacArthur exited the earthly stage. When he retired from the military in 1951, he declaimed the famous line “Old soldiers never die — they just fade away.” But five-star generals are not the only ones who never say die: • Old librarians never die — they just check […]
Yo, readers: Between you and I, if you ain’t gonna speak English good, I’m gonna write less columns. Irregardless of me not doing nothing, I’ll just lay here and think about how I shoulda went to where the action is at. April Fools! I, your user-friendly local linguist, would never speak and write like that, […]
Christmas (Old English Cristes maesse, “the Mass of Christ”) is a joyous occasion, illuminated by candles, decorations, Christmas trees, poinsettias, traditional songs and carols, family feasts and the exchange of presents and greeting cards. The modern Christmas lore of Santa Claus visiting homes around the world to leave gifts for children is rooted in […]
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. A comely barmaid came over to take their orders. The vampires tried to be neck romancers, so they flirted with her by telling her how much they liked her blood type. But she rebuffed them with the reply “O negative” and asked, “And what would […]
Last week I featured in this space the top puns in my capacious collection and invited your submissions. Within a few days in poured more than 100 preys on words, proving that a pun is in truth the highest form of wit. Reader Pamela Benham wrote me about the man who entered the local newspaper’s […]
In America we celebrate just about everything, so it may come as no surprise to you that early each January, pun-up girls and pun gents observe National Save the Pun Week. I’ve been a pun gent all my life and truly believe that the pun is worth celebrating — all year round. After all, the […]