Welcome to the website woven for wordaholics, logolepts, and verbivores. Carnivores eat meat; herbivores eat plants and vegetables; verbivores devour words. If you are heels over head (as well as head over heels) in love with words, tarry here a while to graze or, perhaps, feast on the English language. Ours is the only language in which you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway and your nose can run and your feet can smell.

Because language is naturally playful, we human beings love to make jokes about words. Here, in order of length, are a dozen of my favorite verbal tour de farces:

• Bad spellers of the world, untie!

• Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

• The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

• Have you heard about the cat who ate some cheese, breathed into a mouse hole and waited with baited breath?

• Have you heard about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night tossing and turning, wondering if there was a dog.

• The AP style guide is now accepting over in place of more than. A number of grammar purists have riposted, “More than my dead body!”

• I am fluent in French, Russian, Italian, thousand island, vinaigrette, ranch, gorgonzola, balsamic, green goddess and honey mustard. I also speak Esperanto like a native.

• My girlfriend texted me: “Your adorable.” I replied: “No, YOU’RE adorable.”

Now she’s crazy about me — and I haven’t the heart to tell her that I was just pointing out her typo.

• Those who strive to impugn the reputation of the former governor of Alaska and Republican candidate for vice president are out to HARASS SARAH. That’s not just a palindrome. It’s a Palin drome!

• Saint Peter hears a knocking at the gates of Heaven and calls out, “Who’s there?”

“It is I,” a voice responds.

“Good,” says Saint Peter. “That must be another English teacher.”

• My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began shouting, “Can’t! Don’t! Won’t! Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t!”

“Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?” I cried.

“It’s perfectly normal,” he assured me. “She’s having contractions.”

• A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he proclaimed, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian and Spanish, a double negative is still a negative.”

“However,” he pointed out, “there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Please send your questions and comments about language to richard.lederer@utsandiego.com