Many mean things have been said about politicians. They have even been skewered by a fanciful etymology for the word politics: poly, as in polygon, polygamy, polyglot, and polytheistic, means “many” — and ticks, well, ticks are blood-sucking parasites! Have you heard that they’re now replacing laboratory rats with politicians? First, there is a shortage […]
Christopher Columbus (1451-1506) generally gets credit for finding America. In grade school, many of us learned this ditty: In fourteen hundred ninety two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And he did. On his first voyage, he sighted the Bahamas and made land on Hispaniola (now Haiti and the Dominican Republic). On three subsequent voyages (1493, […]
According to the Alaska Department of Fish & Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer, males shed their antlers in the beginning of winter. Females, on the other hoof, keep their antlers until spring. This means that all of Santa Claus’s reindeer on Christmas Eve must be female. We should […]
Thanksgiving Day is mainly a celebration of the harvest, giving thanks for bountiful crops. Traditionally, a particular meal in 1621 is thought to be the first Thanksgiving. Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians sat down together to an autumn feast of venison and wild fowl. On November 26, 1789, George Washington established the first national celebration […]
To celebrate the holiday, I share with you my limericks about funny monsters: Tonight, when the last light is gone And you’re sleepy and yawned your last yawn, Ghosts and ghouls will come out, Witches, bats — but don’t pout. All those monsters will leave before dawn. On a blind date, two Cyclopes said, “Hi!” […]
Arrrrr, me swabbies! Avast, me hearties! Ahoy, me seadogs! Blimey, me scallywags! Schooner or later, it’s Davy Jones’ locker in the briny deep for ye landlubbers. Buckle your swashes. All hands on deck. Batten down the hatches, lower the boom, and hoist the mainsail. Shiver me timbers and blow me down. Take out yer triangular […]
An old American folk rhyme chuckles: Where can a man find a cap for his knee, Or a key for a lock of his hair? Can his two eyes be called an academy Because there are pupils in there? In the crown of his head, what gems are set? Who travels the bridge of his […]
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. The original classroom blunder probably dates back to the day that some unsuspecting pupil first touched quill to parchment.. All the fluffs and flubs, goofs and gaffes and boo-boos, blunders, and […]
Centuries ago, the Pilgrims found in America a wild fowl somewhat similar in appearance to a guinea fowl they had known back in England — a fowl that acquired its name because it was first imported by way of Turkey, a Middle Eastern nation that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Because we perceive this bird as ugly […]
In America, we celebrate just about everything, so it may come as no surprise to you that, in two days, March 4 (March Forth!), my pun pals will observe National Pun Day. After all, a good pun is like a good steak — a rare medium well done. A few weeks ago, I participated […]