How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
“Have a furry meowy Christmas!”
How do dogs greet each other at Christmas?
“Yappy howl-a-days!”
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
“Season’s Bleetings and Fleece Navidad! Fleece on earth, good wool to men!”
Punning is a rewording experience, especially around Christmas time. That’s the time of year when people exchange hellos and good buys with each other, when every girl wants her past forgotten and her presents remembered and when mothers have to separate the men from the toys.
Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile toe.
What do you call a Christmas bird dog?
A point setter.
Why is a Christmas turkey a fashionable bird?
Because he always appears well dressed for dinner.
What international disasters could happen if you dropped the Christmas turkey?
The downfall of Turkey, the breakup of China, and the overthrow of Greece.
What do you call a manufacturer of turkey filling?
A stuffing stocker.
What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
Your teeth.
What do you call parents standing in line to buy their daughters a popular doll?
A Barbie queue.
Why did the little girl say when she was invited to portray the Virgin in a Christmas pageant?
“Oh, good. Now I can eat, drink, and be Mary.”
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
What has a hundred legs and shouts, “ho ho ho!”?
A Santapede.
What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
What goes “oh oh oh”?
Santa walking backwards.
What’s the difference between a knight and Santa’s reindeer?
One slays the dragon; the other drags the sleigh.
Why are Christmas trees like clumsy knitters?
They both drop their needles.
Why do movie stars burn in their fireplaces at Christmas time?
Holly wood.
What do you call elephants at Christmas?
Noelephants.
What’s a lion’s favorite Christmas song?
“Jungle Bells.”
Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?
Rude-olph.
What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas?
“‘Tis the season to be jelly.”
What did the classical musician use to keep track of what he wanted to buy for Christmas?
A Christmas Chopin Liszt.
What is a little monster’s favorite Christmas song?
“I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa’s Claws.”
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
Have you heard that they’re planning to combine the Jewish holiday Chanukah with Christmas?
The new song for the amalgamated holiday will be “Oy Vay, Maria.”
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
What do you call a ghost hanging around Santa’s Workshop?
A North Pole-tergeist.
What do you call a snowman in summer?
A puddle.
How do snowmen keep their pants from falling down?
They use snow belts.