Arrrrr, me swabbies! Avast, me hearties! Ahoy, me seadogs! Blimey, me scallywags! Schooner or later, it’s Davy Jones’ locker in the briny deep for ye landlubbers. Buckle your swashes. All hands on deck. Batten down the hatches, lower the boom, and hoist the mainsail. Shiver me timbers and blow me down. Take out yer triangular […]
An old American folk rhyme chuckles: Where can a man find a cap for his knee, Or a key for a lock of his hair? Can his two eyes be called an academy Because there are pupils in there? In the crown of his head, what gems are set? Who travels the bridge of his […]
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. The original classroom blunder probably dates back to the day that some unsuspecting pupil first touched quill to parchment.. All the fluffs and flubs, goofs and gaffes and boo-boos, blunders, and […]
Centuries ago, the Pilgrims found in America a wild fowl somewhat similar in appearance to a guinea fowl they had known back in England — a fowl that acquired its name because it was first imported by way of Turkey, a Middle Eastern nation that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Because we perceive this bird as ugly […]
In America, we celebrate just about everything, so it may come as no surprise to you that, in two days, March 4 (March Forth!), my pun pals will observe National Pun Day. After all, a good pun is like a good steak — a rare medium well done. A few weeks ago, I participated […]
What do you get when you dip your little finger into a bottle of writing fluid? An inky pinky. Looking for an entertaining way to sharpen both your ear for rhyme and your skill in defining words? Try the Inky Pinky game. In Inky Pinky, the first player offers a concise, clear definition, and […]
Child film star Shirley Temple wrote, “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” It’s fun to look at the holiday through the innocent eyes of children: A mother was pleased with the Christmas card her […]
Frosty the Snowman and his wife live in an icicle built for two in the Snow Belt on the snow banks of Lake Snowbegone. Where they live, it’s so cold that Starbucks serves coffee on a stick! It’s so cold that people have to scrape the ice off their glasses! It’s so cold that […]
Here’s little poem I’ve conjured up about Halloween monsters: Don’t ever play ping pong with King Kong. Don’t ever take blood tests with Dracula. Don’t you dare give a wedgie to Frankenstein. Your ending will be quite spectaculah! Don’t you dare snap a towel at Godzilla. Such a prank would be foolishly rude. Don’t you […]
DEAR RICHARD: Contemplating the spread of laboratory-grown, humane meat, I began to imagine a menu for such delectables: Faux-let Mignon, Fakin’, Top Sir-lyin’, Paté Faux Gras, Not Roast, Cloned Beef & Cabbage, Spore Ribs, Prankfurters, Not Dogs, Honey-Baked Sham, Saw-such, Nutton, Chicken Winks, Presto Duck, Cheatloaf, Not Worst, Shadow Briand, and Fauxlish Sawsuch. -Linda […]