For a goodly number of my readers, defective spelling, punctuation, and pronunciation screech like chalk on a blackboard. It is not my gray hair or my wrinkles that give away my age. It’s my ability to carefully proofread my books, columns, and e-mail messages.
A new study at the University of Birmingham brings to light our physiological response to misused grammar. Researchers identified a direct link between grammatical errors and a change in Heart Rate Variability (HRV).
When confronted with bad grammar, the subjects’ HRVs indicated increased stress levels. Hearing and reading bad grammar led to a statistically significant reduction in HRV, an indication of stress.
DEAR RICHARD: I thought you would appreciate this sentence from a recent Union-Tribune: The misplaced modifier made my day!: “A red sweater adorned with a flock of sheep worn by the young Princess Diana is expected to sell for more than $50,000 at auction.” Who needs sweaters when you can wear the sheep themselves? –David Dooley, Clairemont
Thank you for pulling my eyes over the wool, I pun sheepishly. Clearer: “A red sweater worn by Princess Diana is expected to sell for more than $50,000 at auction. The sweater is adorned by a flock of sheep.”
DEAR RICHARD: We learn something every day, if we are not careful. Recently, via the Union-Tribune Health Section, I read the headline, “When mosquitos make you a meal.” And all this time, I never realized the little buggers knew how to cook. -Joe Flynn, College Area
DEAR RICHARD: When I hear people say, “noo-kyuh-lur” for the adjective “nuclear,” it’s like fingernails on a blackboard to me. Do you agree? –Tim Delaney, Coronado
The pronunciation noo-kyuh-lur has received much notoriety because a number of presidents, from Dwight Eisenhower to George W. Bush, have sounded the word that way. The late broadcaster and language commentator Edwin Newman wrote, “The word, correctly pronounced, is too much for a fair part of the population, and education and experience seem to have nothing to do with it.”
Noo-kyuh-lur is an example of metathesis, the transposition of internal sounds, as in Ree-luh-tur for Realtor, joo-luh-ree for jewelry, hunderd for hundred, and lahr-niks for larynx, which despite their proliferation, are branded nonstandard.
But cumf-ter-bull for comfortable (wherein the t and r are transposed), Wends-day for Wednesday (switch of n and d), and purty for pretty (switch of t and r) are accepted as standard pronunciation.
From Eisenhower to George W. Bush, noo-kyuh-lur has never stopped raising hackles and igniting jeers. The U-T once polled its readers to find out the grammar and pronunciation abuses that most seismically yanked their chains and rattled their cages. Noo-kyuh-lur was the crime against English mentioned by the greatest number of respondents.
DEAR RICHARD: When did got become an acceptable substitute for the verb have? I’m a fan of certain detective shows, and invariably the question asked at the crime scene is “What do we got?” I really cringed when I heard a TV anchor use the same expression! I know language is ever evolving, but do we have to accept unnecessary substitutions for a simple verb? -Joan Bryant, Coronado, a long-retired teacher,
The past-tense verb got and present-perfect verb gotten have reposed in standard American English for centuries, as in “I got an A in my book report” and “I’ve gotten COVID twice.” In your example, though, got is misused as a present-tense verb and should be replaced by have.
DEAR RICHARD: I recently read in a signature line, “May you always have love to share, health to spare & friends that care.” My teeth get tight at the back when I see this (even ignoring the lack of the Oxford comma), because I am convinced that only “friends who (not that) care” is correct. Do I still have that right, or did the style guide change from under me? –Kennita Watson, Sunnyvale, CA
I’m with you, Kennita. When one refers to people in an adjective clause, who is preferable and that seems distancing. By the way, one should not insert a comma before an ampersand (&) because that mark is more informal than an and.
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On Saturday, December 9, from 10am-3pm, I’ll be signing all my titles, including A Treasury of Christmas Humor, at “Books Galore / Gifts & More,” held annually at the Oceanside Library, 330 North Coast Highway. 760 435 5600. Free Admission. I’d love to meet you there.